Let me ask you a few questions.

Have you ever had a date with someone gorgeous but somehow you are not into them?

Or gone for a job at the in-thing company with superb pay but it just didn’t work for you?

Or maybe when your friends go to the hippest joint in town you don’t go as it’s not your thing?

In these situations, and other similar ones you may have experienced, other people didn’t understand why you reacted the way you did. And perhaps you even told them that you agree as you couldn’t explain either.

In some cases many are still scratching their heads years later attempting to figure out why.

Well, scratch no more because it’s not some weird mind you’ve got. Or that you are a weirdo yourself who turned up his or her nose at a good thing. Nor sir or maam.

It was that deep down underneath it all subtly was another voice that was influencing your mind. A deeply personal voice.

The voice of your own standards and values.

When it feels wrong.

Everybody gets chances to do things, go places, and meet people.

Probably over a lifetime that will add up to many thousands of opportunities. But which ones we accept are less about the event or who is going, and more about our inner viewpoint of it. Going to one concert ‘feels right;, while another is ‘not for me’.

Now it must be said that the vast majority we end up doing and going. We may not quite think we’ll enjoy it or aren’t really interested, but we go along anyway because it’s neither something awesome or awful inside. That’s the same for you, for me, for your best mates, and even your boss or barista guy at the coffee shop.

It’s the certain few that feels wrong emotionally we never show up at even if everyone else believes we will.

Where to them it’s cool, to us it’s kinda sleazy or overpriced or immature. Or any other inner reason that objects to attending. A wrong feeling that we can’t fight, so we don’t in the end. It may take us a few years to say ‘No’, but sooner or later we won’t fight what’s not right within us.

Now this can leave us confused, never mind others. Until we know why we refuse to go somewhere that looks the same on paper as somewhere else we loved last month, we can remain puzzled. Have you been like that? Have no idea why you seem to say ‘yes’ and ‘no’ at random?

Well read on for the good news.

You aren’t going mad, you are honouring your standards and values.

They know you, but do you know them?

Sounds silly doesn’t it?

Yet it’s most likely true. The very standards and values that guide our decisions are more subconscious if anything. They know and power us, but we don’t actively know them.

Only because we’ve never thought about what they actually are. They have accumulated over our years of life and they act as a kind of ‘right behaviour manual’ in our ethical emotional and mental centre. We put them there but don’t know what we put.

They kick in when situations show up that flag one of our ‘don’t do’s or ‘right ways’ to live. In an instant they try to block what we will do next, or encourage it if fits well within the inner S & V catalog. We are not aware of this, we just respond even if we aren’t sure why we did so.

On one level it’s easy and we ‘get it’ – smoking isn’t cool to us; it’s an unhealthy and unsociable habit. Or that eating fast food and takeaways is bad for our weight and not good for us. They are noticeable.

It’s the ‘other’ ones that are less obvious.

Why did we turn down the hot girl/guy? – it was because we knew their reputation and we didn’t approve of such activities.

Not sure why a lucrative career in a certain industry did not appeal – money isn’t your priority and that’s all they were focused on.

Maybe you are now spotting other scenarios where the ‘other you’ made the ruling of ‘I will’, or, ‘I won’t’. Looking back and working out the something else that drove your responses.

Let’s see EXACTLY what they are!

Write what’s right.

Ok, time to find out what matters.

Time to bring your standards and values into the light of day. They already exist in you but you can’t see them. To do that it’s the old fashioned piece of paper and a pen (in this case it’s the perfect tool!).

You are going to keep it simple. Take the chief areas that are important to you – relationships, family, money, career, whatever are your main factors.

On the paper list each one separately on the left hand side. Next, a few minutes to reflect about each zone. When you’ve considered them enough (no, 10 seconds is NOT enough), write words by each area that reflect how you feel they should be lived.

For example – Relationships – loyalty, intimacy, trust, connection, respect.

Carry on for the other ones you have listed such as – career – dedication, fulfillment, progress, peer respect.

Finally you will have a list of your standards and values where they impact you most. A list that you have always applied to them in your life. Standards and values that have ruled because they are your rules.

Now. take these and look at anywhere in your life where something/most things are badly missing. See the standards and values you have to honour for yourself in what you have to do or say or act in improving them.

Once you know the ‘real you’ they represent, the real life for you can begin to develop.

Because standards and values say everything about you to a life that needs to match them.

Photo attributions – free to use under Pixabay Content License by StockSnap and sweetlouise and mythicson.